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Funny Birthday Jokes

Funny Birthday Jokes That Will Leave You in Splits

Birthdays give everyone happy memories with friends and family. Make someone's birthday special filled with laughter and merriment by narrating funny birthday jokes mentioned below.
Sheetal Mandora
Last Updated: Feb 17, 2018
Girl with balloons
There's never a wrong time to goof around and have fun with friends and family. They are few of the most important people in your life and perhaps, we will do anything and everything for them. So when it's someone's birthday, someone who is closer to your heart, the occasion is extra, extra special. Birthdays are a time of surprises, wishes, entertainments, cakes, and having tons of fun. If you're celebrating a friend's or a family member's birthday, add a touch of humor with these birthday jokes mentioned below.
Jokes You'll Love
More often than not, birthdays keep reminding us how much older we've gotten. This can certainly bring most of us feeling low and sad. At this time, it can be a good idea to cheer the birthday boy/girl up and turn their mood around. So, what works best? How about you read the next segment and find out for yourself.
You know you're getting old when ...
  • all of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
  • it's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
  • everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  • it takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
  • people call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • the end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  • getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
  • happy hour is a nap.
  • you are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.
  • you and your teeth don't sleep together.
Jokes for Every Age
We won't discriminate in our choices of jokes. Everyone gets a little fun and laughter on their birthday. Which is why, it is a good idea to glance at what we've compiled below.
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk that he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet", answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But, when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said the stranger on the phone.
"You folks need all the practice you can get."
Chris: Do you like the dictionary I bought for your birthday?
Kevin: Sure. It's a great present. But, I just can't find the words to thank you enough.
Short Jokes
A few "one liners" won't hurt anyone. Just a fun way to liven someone and bring a huge smile on their face. We certainly think that it's important. Don't you?
What do clams do on their birthdays? They... shellabrate!
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.
"Doctor, I get a heartburn every time I eat a birthday cake", says a patient.
Doctor replies, "Next time, take off the candles."
What do you give a 900 pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him.
"Grandma, is it exciting being 99?" asked the young girl.
Grandma replied, "It certainly is! If I wasn't 99, I'd be dead."
Man #1: When is your birthday?
Man #2: 17th January
Man #1: What year?
Man #2: Every year!
A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
Funny Sayings
Last, but certainly not the least, some famous words by famous people. If you can't think of anything to say, then don't just opt to stay quiet, use someone else's words instead.
  • What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy. ~ Voltaire
  • If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. ~ George Burns
  • We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock. ~ Dave Allen
  • Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. ~ Robert Frost
  • Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? ~ Bobby Kelton
  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~ Lucille Ball
  • Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~ Satchel Paige
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. ~ Flip Wilson
  • Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own. ~ J. P. Sears
  • Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life. ~ Robert Southey
  • Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ~ Caryn Leschen
  • The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. ~ T.S. Eliot
I know that I'm definitely going to use some or perhaps all these funny birthday jokes for a friend's birthday that's coming up soon. If any of the jokes have offended someone, my intention was not to do so.
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